Fiction L
A Fake Internet Presence,
since 1994

The Nervous Priest

Father Jonna Eli Pulli was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before his second week in the pulpit, he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said, next week it may help if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. (*Hmmm... nice idea.. hehee..*) After a few sips, everything should go smoothly. The next week, the priest put the suggestion into practice. He was able to talk up a storm and felt just great. Upon returning to the rectory however, he found a note from the Monsignor:

1. Next time, sip rather than gulp.
2. There are ten commandments, not twelve.
3. There are twelve disciples, not ten.
4. David slaid Goliath, he didn't kick the shit out of him.
5. We do not refer to our saviour Jesus Christ and his Apostles as J.C. and the boys.
6. Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a Peter pulling at St. Taffy's.
7. The Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8. We do not refer to the Cross as the "big X".
9. The recommended grace before meals is not "rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God".
10. And you don't refer to the Virgin Mary as Mary with the Cherry.